My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
