some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The air was thick with penises
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
