You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
