I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
