So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
