Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
