they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
