she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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