we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
