i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
