You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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