im drinking this country out of the recession.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
