she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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