he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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