He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
