My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
