I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
