You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
