it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
