He is an equal opportunity slut.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
