Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
