I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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