My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
