Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
