never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
