i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
