We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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