her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
