am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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