Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
