I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
