so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
