I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When are your genitals available?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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