What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
