So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
