when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
