Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
