i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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