mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
