I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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