So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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