all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
