is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
