you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
