I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
