Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
