Actions speak louder than pants.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
