every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
