why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
