there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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