At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
