After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
