why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
this hospital has no fireball
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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